Anybody else here silently hoped that traveling would turn them into a different, better kind of person? Well, I did.
The last couple of years in Sydney, I struggled with anxiety, lack of direction or sense of what shape I wanted for my life to take. And so I thought that the moment I would step onto the plane taking me into the unknown, I would advance my general coolness, creativity, decisiveness and clarity of mind quite dramatically.
Perhaps I watched ‘Chronicles of Narnia’ way too often when I was little. And perhaps I thought I could emerge on the other side of that plane door completely transformed. So did the plane journey leave me feeling incredibly inspired and crystal clear on what my next creative endeavour is going to be? Well, no. But did I feel like I could do anything I put my mind to and right there and then was the time to do it? Also definitely not. However, did I feel energised and ready to explore the world? Not exactly.
All that happened during the flight was me spilling a glass of champagne on my fiance’s Qantas blanket and then watching five movies in a row pretty chuffed with the fact that my blanket was dry. And because I didn’t sleep much, I felt anxious and tired, and not ready for all of the amazing adventures I was about to have. I felt lazy and worried, and quite confused as to what it was that I wanted to do during the travels.
And as I sit here, in a different country, with a very different national cuisine and general weather patterns, I still battle with those feelings. And as inspiring as the travels have been, I’m very much the same person, with the same challenges and problems, with the same anxious thoughts and occasional catastrophic visions of my life feeling empty forever. What I have learnt (or perhaps simply remembered because I feel like I had known it all along) is that it takes a tremendous amount of constant effort, time, single-minded focus, hard work and conviction mixed with the ability to relax and being able to give in to boredom to even attempt to introduce meaningful change and sharpen your sense of purpose. And that’s OK.
Sometimes traveling makes it more difficult – sometimes it makes it much easier. But for me, it was key to realise the simple act of travel wouldn’t do it for me. In the SNL Romano Tours sketch Adam Sandler said it first – and he said it best – when he caveated a holiday tour he was promoting: “If you’re sad now, you might still feel sad there.”
So my first misconception about traveling was that embarking on the journey would close doors on some of the feelings I had been struggling with and completely – effortlessly even – transform me as an individual. Well, guess what? I’m still drying that metaphorical Qantas blanket as I work hard and do my best to figure out who I am.